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Worst Trail Find Ever.

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9/18/2011 7:26 PM

I've found some gross things on trails before. Dead things, spines of animals, weird wolf poop, blood lougies, so on and so forth. But today I was up in the middle of no where, probably hadn't seen another person on the trail in about 45 minutes.... when right there in the middle of the trail was some floozy's discarded thong.

Photo

Was there a dead hooker in a shallow grave just off the trail being picked apart by birds using her hair and clothing scraps for nest building materials? Was Brick Tamland right- do their periods actually attract bears? Or was some one just getting busy in the woods and then in mid-hike back to civilization, they got sick of the chaffing?

But like you would do with a rattlesnake, I found myself a good long stick, longer than the potential danger ('cus panties and rattlesnakes can only strike half the length of their bodies, right Dave Cullinan?), and maneuvered it off the trail and went about my day getting lost on a really amazing trail network.

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9/18/2011 9:33 PM

This is a little embarrassing, but thanks for finding that for me...it was a rough and wild night. Beige Wolf parties hard.

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9/19/2011 8:44 AM

Try to keep this clean .... I was riding with two friends about 20 years ago in the Northern Kettles here in WI and we came across a couple laying on the trail going at it. I had snapped off my derailleur on a stick and while I stopped to look bike my friends kept going. They crested a hill saw the two in the distance. My friends came back for me told me what they saw laughing so hard they could hardly talk, I ended up walking past them to get back to the parking lot, they were in the middle of the trail all done and she hid under a blanket but he was just all smiles. We all knew him.... Awkward !

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9/19/2011 8:45 AM
Edited Date/Time: 9/19/2011 8:50 AM

I once found what appeared to be the leg of a goat hanging in a tree at the top of a strenuous climb (it was fresh - still had tissue and hair on it). This was in south-east Michigan where we have no wild goats, and there are no farms near-by that raise goats. The first thing to pop into my head was demonic animal sacrifices. I got the hell out of there.

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I'm just here to ride...

Santa Cruz Chameleon SS
Transition Dirtbag

9/19/2011 9:42 AM

w00t this is gonna be a fun one!
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9/19/2011 9:56 AM

yeah mine's similar to steves --
a while back riding joaquin miller in the oakland hills,
my buddies & i came up on a skinny lil 120 lb brother
all doggied up on a huge 300+ pounder -- wished i had a helmet cam
just for his look alone! he tripped for @ a half second, then got back ta work!

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9/19/2011 11:38 AM

Theo, I knew you would have a killer answer for this thread!

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9/19/2011 12:14 PM
Edited Date/Time: 9/19/2011 12:16 PM

I'm just wondering how many people are gonna catch K.Shiz's stellar Transcontinental Headliners 2 reference?

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9/19/2011 2:39 PM

Early morning ride, out for a pretty epic day in the mountains up north. Just done with the first downhill section of the day, halfway up the next climb (REALLY steep and loose fireroad, definitely 4x4 only territory), we come across 2 small, beat up cars, think Fiat Uno or similar....both with their crappy stereos tuned to the same radio channel, and 7 or so totally baked dudes (and dudettes) having a rave. You know, tee-shirts off, bumbling about in a trance with some weird dance beat on the radio. 7am or so. They'd obviously gone down the wrong fireroad in the night, and when they could get no further (not down, nor back up), they probably just said to hell with it, let's have the party here. By the looks of things, it must have been pretty rough.

The look on their faces when a bunch of guys in FF helmets and body armor showed up was worth it alone.

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9/19/2011 3:26 PM

I found on my local XC trail a pretty dirty DVD, something like oldthraogagers#2, worst part, i had a good idea who had it before!!! it stayed right there in the trail, gross.

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Redefining the grandeur of a canned ham

9/19/2011 3:30 PM

I was riding down one of my favorite trails on an abandoned shale mine overlooking the Delaware River. Hauling down the trail I was trying to keep my focus as far ahead as possible when two black blurs cross my peripheral vision far down the trail. As I continue up to the point where I thought the objects crossed the trail I look left and there are two black bear cubs giving me the stare down. At this point I am kind of enjoying the moment. All of a sudden they start getting a bit frantic looking and at this convient moment I recall how protective momma bears are known to be. Looking all over on the left of the trail I dont see anything. Suddenly I hear rustling on the right side of the trail. Her comes momma bear charging full speed towards me. I am exactly between her and her cubs at this point. This is when murhpy's law kicks in and my chain drops off as I tried to escape on the bike. Somehow I got the idea to lift my bike above my head to make myself look bigger and slowly walked back down the trail never turning my back to momma bear. Amazingly that worked. I almost left some soiled boxers on the trail that day.

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9/19/2011 3:37 PM

MrPrometheus wrote:

I was riding down one of my favorite trails on an abandoned shale mine overlooking the Delaware River. Hauling down the trail I was trying to keep my focus as far ahead as possible when two black blurs cross my peripheral vision far down the trail. As I continue up to the point where I thought the objects crossed the trail I look left and there are two black bear cubs giving me the stare down. At this point I am kind of enjoying the moment. All of a sudden they start getting a bit frantic looking and at this convient moment I recall how protective momma bears are known to be. Looking all over on the left of the trail I dont see anything. Suddenly I hear rustling on the right side of the trail. Her comes momma bear charging full speed towards me. I am exactly between her and her cubs at this point. This is when murhpy's law kicks in and my chain drops off as I tried to escape on the bike. Somehow I got the idea to lift my bike above my head to make myself look bigger and slowly walked back down the trail never turning my back to momma bear. Amazingly that worked. I almost left some soiled boxers on the trail that day.

shocked Holy crap. That's intense!
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9/19/2011 3:41 PM

1.) a couple of miscreants gettin busy in a ditch like 5 feet off the trail
2.) homeless fella taking a deuce under a bridge

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9/19/2011 5:51 PM

[LINK TO IMAGE]

I think i found the match to that. look around there might be a match to my blue one somewhere.
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9/19/2011 6:25 PM

Vail, old 94 course. Stopped to fix a flat. Buddy finds an old, sun bleached fanny pack that has been there for who knows how long. Inside was some old ski gloves and a Slim Jim. Man that Slim Jim hit the spot!

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9/19/2011 7:45 PM

Lucky for you guys, I just bought a new phone. The old one had an entire album of discarded condom pics from my local trail. Had a competition going with my brother-in-law in downtown Baltimore and probably saw 10 to every on he shot. All that in addition to the diapers lining the entrance every summer. America! F-yeah!
Other notables; a pile of cleaned salmon carcasses, the contents of a cat box, blood stained tighty whiteys, two dudes mid-coitus...oh, and don't forget the worst thing of all, 8" DEEP POST HOLES FILLED WITH HORSE PISS!!!

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9/19/2011 8:02 PM

A few years back I did some work at the top of the Carlmont at 2am, and the next morning my homies and I went riding and they ended up finding the rubber and the chick's g-string

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9/19/2011 8:28 PM

Just yesterday I was riding the Mckenzie river trail. half way through we ran into a pair of hikers 2 guys in their early twenties. Hiking up trail Buck Naked. Ok they did have shoes on and a walking stick.

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9/19/2011 9:43 PM
Edited Date/Time: 9/19/2011 9:47 PM

I've had a couple good ones:

Riding down a flowy singletrack, started to hear rustling to my right. Checked over and didn't see anything. It got louder and closer, so I decided to stop. About 12 feet from me was a giant bull and cow moose running along side the trail. I hang out for a minute or two before starting cautiously back on the trail. About 60 feet from where I stopped, the tracks of the moose came into the trail and followed it for 200 feet before running off back into the trees.

Just yesterday, went out for couple shuttle runs. While waiting at the top for some other cronies to get geared up, one of my customers from the shop pulls up in his car to start a hike. Started talking to him, and about half way through I notice a used condom sitting 2 feet behind him. Awkward to keep talking as I looked at him, looked down and there it was. Looked at him, back to the condom. Unfortunate because he was an older, well kept, clean individual who probably wouldn't have seen the humor in it that I was.

And, since my boss doesn't post, I'll fill in for him; He found a dead rider in the trail while riding in Phil's World in Cortez, Co this spring. The rider, kitted up as a racer, had past them in the trail not too far back. When they came upon him, he was in the bottom of a g-out, already gone, helmet smashed in, face bloodied. Guess was he went to fast into at the top of the g-out, and fell to the bottom a good 20 feet to his head.

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9/20/2011 10:04 AM

Worst was probably when a riding buddy and I took a new trail in an area we rode at a lot just outside Boston. Saw a couple shirtless guys walk the other way by us, giving us looks... then another dude in a fishnet shirt. Then another shirtless dude in short shorts. Finally, a couple (older) guys sunbathing in thongs just off the trail. We got the hell out of there right quick.

Second worse was this... right in the middle of the trail. Rest of it was just off the trail, still with some skin on it. Not sure what got it as the trail isn't up in the hills or anything, must have been dogs?
Photo

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9/20/2011 12:57 PM

One time I was riding across a bridge and came across a bunch of nude guys (no ladies) swimming in the creek below

A couple going at it in their Saab convertable - with the top down - about a mile back in the woods. Worst part was that they were convinced that they were deep in the backcountry.

This spring I was out for a night ride and was climbing up a fire road to the first downhill of the ride. It was sunset and there's a lovely view at the top right before the trail. Happened to stumble across my ex and her new boyfriend in the back of his Jeep.

Oh and this one time I saw a Chupacabra.

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9/20/2011 2:11 PM

15 or so of us out night riding, all with helmet or bar mounted lights and we see a car in a clearing in the woods. we all turn our lights out and creep up to the car then turn the lights on all at once. you should have seen her face and her ......... and her .......

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9/20/2011 2:12 PM

Media wrote:

I'm just wondering how many people are gonna catch K.Shiz's stellar Transcontinental Headliners 2 reference?

LOL totally caught that, and immediately thought the same thing, "i wonder how many people actually know what he's talking about." then i felt like a true mtb dork. smile

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9/20/2011 2:55 PM

After a grueling 20 mile ride through chaparral, a friend and I cut across a farm; sprinting so as to avoid rock salt. When we finally got close to the highway we were panting huge deep breaths and had to endure the overwhelming pungency of carrion... once we touched the pavement we could finally see what was causing the smell... on the side of the road was a dead rotting Ostrich caracas... I have no idea what it was doing out there on the side of the road, but it was definitely an unpleasant find...

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9/20/2011 3:17 PM

Chupacabra ftw.

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9/21/2011 5:13 PM

Used heroin needles..... many of them....


- Fuck yeah Santa Cruz.

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9/21/2011 7:55 PM
Edited Date/Time: 9/21/2011 7:57 PM

I win this one for sure...

Ten or so years ago, while riding the horse trails on the American River Parkway in Sacramento, I made a wrong turn. Not long after I split off the main route, I came to a small clearing where the trail ended. While turning around, I noticed a half a dozen pictures scattered face down in the grass. At this point the best thing for anyone to have done was to suppress their curiosity and start riding back the way they came. As you can all guess, that's not what I did. Before I knew it I had one of those pictures in my hand. I was standing over my bike, still out of breath, covered in sweat, and staring at the glossy back of a white framed Polaroid. Without even hesitating, I flipped it over. The image had only a teeny fraction of a second to burn into my eyes before I dropped the picture and took off as fast as I could, but none the less, it was long enough. I can to this day remember exactly what that photo looked like and I probably always will, no matter how hard I might try to forget.

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9/21/2011 10:07 PM

lets see..

decapitated seagulls
bloody hatchet
human skull (ssooo sketch)
and a little patch of some growin ganja crop

and my most memorable one was a little gold nugget I found in a stream

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two wheels, one love.

9/22/2011 8:33 AM

Phillapuss wrote:

I win this one for sure...

Ten or so years ago, while riding the horse trails on the American River Parkway in Sacramento, I made a wrong turn. Not long after I split off the main route, I came to a small clearing where the trail ended. While turning around, I noticed a half a dozen pictures scattered face down in the grass. At this point the best thing for anyone to have done was to suppress their curiosity and start riding back the way they came. As you can all guess, that's not what I did. Before I knew it I had one of those pictures in my hand. I was standing over my bike, still out of breath, covered in sweat, and staring at the glossy back of a white framed Polaroid. Without even hesitating, I flipped it over. The image had only a teeny fraction of a second to burn into my eyes before I dropped the picture and took off as fast as I could, but none the less, it was long enough. I can to this day remember exactly what that photo looked like and I probably always will, no matter how hard I might try to forget.

you tease...

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9/22/2011 8:47 AM
Edited Date/Time: 9/22/2011 8:47 AM

I guess besides the usual animal carcass's, and undergarments. Bloated dead cow carcass in the ditch right near the trailhead being one of my faves. One of my favorite stories was my friend Shawn and I on a usual weeknight ride in Augusta, GA. The trail we were on was right in town and kind of situated between a river and a canal. Wildlife was pretty common on these rides deer, owls, etc.. and on this night we're cruzing along this fast steep kind of off camber section by the river when all of a sudden Shawn takes a pretty big spill and is all worked up about something. I'm right behind him, but couldn't really see what had happened. I get up to him and he's like "Dude! I just hit a fucking beaver! and sure enough I immediately look down towards the water just in time to see the ass of a beaver (that was as big as a small labrador) heading back to the safety of the water. These beavers would commonly drag and leave trees across the trail, which was fun if you were flying down the trail in the dark. Anyway I guess the beaver got his that night.]

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