Screenshots, Comments, Emails and Alternative Mountain Bike News Headlines #1

So, we tried the Social Scoop thing a bit last year and that ended up being kind of boring because everyone else was doing it too. It wasn't a new idea by any means and that was the problem. You're all on social media anyways and re-spamming the cool, already-seen viral posts is about as much fun as being the 5th person in a six-rider EWS train at that dusty race in Chile. The only true reward in our Social Scoop test came when sharing videos from @kirtvoreis_allride and @kovarikracing because the rest of the entirety of Instagram is basically a copy or sub-par version of what they're doing. Not to mention, every brand and pro rider that isn't Kirt or Kovarik is just re-posting someone else's viral video in hopes of attracting followers and getting likes. Ultimately it felt soulless to remain crammed uncomfortably in the economy class of a turbulent flight plummeting straight to earth as we did the same re-posting. If you fall, get up and try again. We do that a lot here.

Internally here at Vital, we have always shared screenshots of emails, headlines or comments that had us laughing or scratching our heads in disbelief. Well, Einsteins we are not, but we finally came to the conclusion that if something is funny to us internally, it would probably be funny (or at least moderately offensive) to you, the dedicated Vital MTB reader. So, here we go with Volume #1 of Screenshots and Alternative Headlines.

P.S. We're not sticking to a regular schedule with this article idea, but we'll post up each time we have enough LOL's to make the MTB world a more fun (in our opinion) place.

P.P.S. Now that this article is finished and it's being proofread (we know, you're laughing at that idea too), it's clear we're just ripping off The Onion for mountain biking. Sounds good to us.

Alternative Headlines

Today's modern web browsers often present recommended news stories when a new, blank tab is opened. The recommendations are often suspect, but the all-knowing-AI-driven-algorithms  display titles and images that suck us in and we blindly accept our browsing fate as a result. Here are some recommended headline screencaps with commentary that make these stories MTB-related.

Scott Bikes' new marketing campaign? WE KID, WE KID! The new Ransom looks freaking money. But come on, their history with a lot of cables, buttons and levers makes this a legit LOL.

We thought Brian Lopes had an article in the failing New York Times until we read the second word of the first sentence. Then we read "high-waisted leggings" and thought it was him again. (Lopes and no-shirt jokes never get old, do they?)

Tweaked for MTB - The Real Cost of the 2008 Fat Bike Crisis - September 15th marks the 10th anniversary of the demise of mountain biking and the advent of the fat bike which presaged the biggest ride-debilitating product introduced to the two-wheeled, human-powered sport - the plus-sized tire. (Obviously we don't know (or care) when the first fat bike was invented, but it's funniest if we copy the article teaser. Additionally interesting and amusingly ironic is gordo's stoke for 29+ tires a few years back.).

Tweaked for MTB - These are reasons you can never make a bike-buying decision - Deciding on key bike purchases in your life may seem like a wildly involved, time-consuming process but it actually doesn't matter at all because they all look like a Trek.

Tweaked for MTB - I made one simple financial change and it lowered my MTB spending. I bought from a direct-to-consumer brand. (Ouch, that stings!)

Tweaked for MTB - What Tire Size Choices Really Deliver - There are two kinds of people in the world: people who think plus-sized tires work well and people who ride mountain bikes well.

Danny Hart's 2011 Champery secret?

Tweaked for MTB - Mountain bike racers are moonlighting as Instagram influencers to make ends meet - One mountain bike racer told Vital MTB that he gets two free pairs of kneepads per year because of race results but received over three pairs of kneepads after tagging his sponsor in a "Sending it into the weekend!?!" post on Instagram.

Tweaked for MTB - Brands don't have to pay influencers anything to trash their competitors - Because uninformed, long-stem-using, air-pressure-too-high-having, too-slow-rebound-running internet know-it-alls do it in the comments on websites for free.

Random Emails, Comments,  Screencaps and Observations

Will just leaf this won hear.

Pretty rich. An email received from a newly subscribed Vital user whose account was never confirmed.

When your personal lack of speed on a bike impacts how you see internet videos. A YouTube comment on a Vital RAW from one of the World Cups.

That's some quality, comedic hate.

A screencap of a recommended YouTube video. Now don't get us wrong, we're down for some clickbait now and then, but is this beef really a thing? "Plus-sized tire riders & mountain bikers - Can They Be Friends?" would make way more sense.

It's like dry water. Best Electric MTB can't exist.

Clearly Facebook's AI is artificial but not very intelligent. There's no wanting to like here, only LIKE when it comes to Wyn Masters or Martin Maes or World Champs. If you're unsure about your level of Like about Wyn or Martin or World Champs, speak with our friend Rick. He'll set you straight.

This is Dennis Enarson. Barspin. BMX. We should all think about this every time we're worried about that couch of an MTB we're riding not being up to our drop-to-flat task. O.M.G.

We're interested in your funny screencaps and online observations. Send them to the email at the VERY bottom of the page below under the "contact" button.

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