Accessibility Widget: On | Off

How Your Favorite Thanksgiving Food Determines What Kind of Mountain Biker You Are 3

The finest human observers help you understand how your Turkey Day delights may determine your riding style. 100% science.

How Your Favorite Thanksgiving Food Determines What Kind of Mountain Biker You Are

A little introspection is good for the soul. Thankfully (on this day of thanks), Vital is here to help you learn more about yourself as a mountain biker. While we won't reveal our top-secret methods for determining the results of our findings, let's just say you should take these classifications very seriously. Plus we just wanted an excuse to re-post that Adam Brayton Vital RAW at Schladming from 5 years ago.

Mashed Potatoes - The Rider with the Coolest Bike on the Trail


When you roll up to the trail or lift line, everyone takes notice. When you leave, everyone talks about you. Without you, mountain biking would exist, but it would be way less interesting, just like a turkey dinner without mashed potatoes. If you prefer sweet potato mash, you probably have a gold-colored chain too.

Stuffing - Gadget-Filled Enduro Bike Rider


The variety of ingredients in this Thanksgiving staple is as plentiful as the number of cables and switches coming off the bars of your do-it-all, suspension-locking-out, travel-adjusting, wheel-size-swapping "enduro" bike.

Pumpkin Pie - Epic Backcountry Trail Seeker

These are not pumpkin pie fans.

You let everyone scarf the goods while you patiently wait for the dessert. You're the epic backcountry ride enthusiast who spends 80% of your ride time getting into the middle of nowhere for 20% of peaceful bliss. You let everyone else get full on the typical dinner items (nearby, overcrowded, blown-out trails) because you know they'll be stuffed when the really sweet goods are presented (seldom-touched singletrack rife with solitude).

Cranberry Sauce - Actively Digging Dirt Jumper


Cranberry sauce is a consistent, perfect compliment to the Thanksgiving feast. Since you dig nine hours a day to ride for 30 minutes a day only to spend another hour erasing the marks you made in your impeccably manicured jumps, you know the value of perfection.

Turkey - The A-Line / GLC Drop-Show-Offer

GoPro? Check. Massive GLC huck? Check. Definitely a turkey fan.

Everyone likes turkey, it's the star of the show. You are too. At least you think you are, as you post your A-Line cases and GLC drop turn-bars on social media for everyone to see. Dinner is served.

Bread and Dinner Rolls -The Rider Who Comes Prepared

Like a true friend, the dinner roll fan hangs out back knowing his ill-prepared bro will do something stupid in an attempt to ruin the ride.

Bread and rolls get no love. You recognize that because you get no love even though you're what holds the ride together. You give attention to the gluten-filled delights that tie the Thanksgiving meal together just like you give attention to the fact that your fellow ride buddies suck at being prepared. You come with extra water, tubes and food because you know the ride is ruined when your friends bonk or flat out early. No dinner is complete without the bread. No ride can be completed without you.

Green Beans and Vegetables - Full Rigid Singlespeeder Going for Climbing KOM's


Basically everything that's not fun on a mountain bike. Lighten up, we kid, we kid. At least the bike above has a dropper post indicating they probably dip their brusselsprouts in ranch.

Gravy - Freeride Hucker


To you, no food acceptable on its own. Gravy is necessary for all consumables on your Thanksgiving plate. Equally, no trail is worth a damn if there isn't a bigger, flatter drop ahead for some turkey-sized meat hucking.

Alcohol - Downhiller (or Unemployed Trail Bike Rider Wishing They Could Afford a DH Bike)


Pinned down by boring family, you rely on getting loose to survive the meal. Pinned down by trails you find boring, you rely on getting loose to survive the ride. When you wake up from the hangover, you realize you may have been a huge dick to everyone around you (or that berm) and vow to never do it again until next time.

Leftovers - #26aintdead


Happy Thanksgiving from Vital MTB.

Create New Tag

sspomer sspomer 11/22/2017 8:23 PM

3 comments newest first

Show More Comment(s)